How Do I Know if It’s God’s Will or My Own Desire?

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out

There are moments in life when we desperately want God to simply tell us what to do.

Take the job.

Don’t take the job.

Move.

Stay.

Start the business.

Let it go.

Say yes.

Say no.

We pray and wait. We look for signs. We open our Bibles hoping a verse will somehow jump off the page with the answer.

And sometimes we already know what we want the answer to be.

Is this really God leading me, or is this simply what I want?

It can be one of the hardest questions in our walk with God because our own desires aren’t always wrong. Sometimes the thing we want very much may also be something God is leading us toward.

So how can we tell the difference?

There isn’t a formula that guarantees we’ll never misunderstand God’s direction. But Scripture gives us some very good ways to examine our decisions, our motives, and our hearts.

And its not always about asking God to confirm what we want, but with becoming willing to follow Him even if His answer is different.

Because sometimes we aren't really asking God for direction.

We're asking for permission.

We’ve already decided what we want, and now we’re hoping God will agree with us.

I think most of us have probably done this at some point. We pray about something while  building a case for why God should say yes.

But Jesus gave us a beautiful example of surrender when He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane:

“Yet not as I will, but as you will.” — Matthew 26:39

That is surrender.

It doesn't mean we can't have desires or we can't ask God for something with our whole heart.

It means that underneath the request is something deeper:

I want You more than I want my way.

Have you asked if your question begins with scripture?

God's direction will not require us to disobey what He has already revealed in His Word.

If something requires dishonesty, cruelty, revenge, greed, sexual immorality, unforgiveness, exploitation, or behavior that Scripture clearly tells us to turn away from, we don't need another sign.

We already have direction.

Psalm 119:105 says:

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”

Notice that a lamp doesn't necessarily illuminate the next ten miles.

Sometimes it only gives enough light for the next few steps.

We may want God to show us the entire plan, while He is asking us to faithfully take the next step we can see.

Scripture may not tell you which house to buy, which job offer to accept, or if a certain person is the right one for you. 

But it gives you principles that help you make those decisions wisely.

It teaches us who God is.

And the better we know His character, the easier it becomes to recognize what is—and isn't—consistent with Him.

Examine Why You Want It

Our motives matter.

That doesn't mean every motive must be perfectly spiritual. We're human beings. Our decisions are usually influenced by several things at once.

But it's worth asking:

Why do I want this?

Do I want it because I believe God may be leading me toward it?

Or because I'm afraid?

Because I want approval?

Because I want to prove something?

Because I'm comparing myself with someone else?

Because I'm tired of waiting?

Because I want control?

Because I genuinely believe this opportunity could allow me to use what God has given me?

Sometimes the answer will be a mixture.

That's okay.

The point isn't to interrogate ourselves until we're afraid to make any decision at all.

The point is honesty.

Psalm 139:23–24 says:

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

That's a wonderful prayer when we're trying to discern God's direction.

Be Careful With “Signs”

When we desperately want an answer, almost anything can begin looking like a sign.

We ask God whether we should move to Florida and suddenly notice three Florida license plates.

We wonder whether we should start a business and someone happens to mention entrepreneurship.

We pray about a relationship and then hear a song that seems perfectly timed.

Could God use circumstances to get our attention?

Of course.

But we should be careful about building major life decisions entirely around coincidences. Especially when we desperately want them to mean something.

A circumstance can encourage us to pray more deeply or pay closer attention, but Scripture, wisdom, prayer, character, and discernment give us a much stronger foundation than constantly searching for secret messages.

Sometimes an open door is simply an open door.

And sometimes a closed door isn't necessarily God saying no forever.

Pray—and Then Listen

Prayer can easily become a conversation in which we do all the talking.

We explain the situation.

We explain what we want.

We explain why we think it would be a wonderful idea.

We ask God to guide us.

Amen.

Then we're off.

But discernment also requires quiet.

That doesn't mean we should expect an audible voice.

It means making room to bring the decision before God without immediately filling every silence.

Pray over it repeatedly.

Read Scripture.

Give the decision time when possible.

Ask God to correct you.

Ask Him to reveal motives you haven't recognized.

Ask Him for wisdom.

James 1:5 tells us:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault.”

Sometimes what we need is wisdom to make a good decision.

Don't Confuse Fear With God's Warning

Doing something we've never done before can make every insecure thought in us suddenly get very loud.

If we only followed God when we felt completely comfortable, we might never move very far.

Throughout Scripture, people were called to do things that required courage.

At the same time, we shouldn't ignore genuine wisdom and call every concern “fear.”

Ask yourself:

Is there a real reason to stop, or am I simply afraid because I can't control the outcome?

Seek Wise Counsel—But Remember Who You're Following

Proverbs 15:22 says:

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Trusted people can see things we can't.

A mature Christian friend, pastor, mentor, spouse, or someone with experience in the area we're considering may notice a problem we've overlooked—or an opportunity we're too afraid to see.

But there's is an important distinction. Wise counsel is not the same thing as allowing everyone around us to vote on our lives.

People bring their own fears, experiences, personalities, expectations, and preferences into the advice they give us.

But ultimately, your goal isn't to please every person who has an opinion.

It's to faithfully walk with God.

Sometimes you pray.

You read Scripture.

You examine your motives.

You seek wise counsel.

You wait.

And you still don't know.

There isn't a flashing sign.

There isn't a sudden moment when everything becomes clear.

There are simply two reasonable choices sitting in front of you.

What then?

Perhaps sometimes God gives us something we don't realize we're allowed to have:

the freedom to choose wisely.

We can become so afraid of stepping outside God's will that we become paralyzed.

But if both choices are morally sound, neither contradicts Scripture, you've prayed for wisdom, and there isn't a compelling reason not to proceed, you may not need to wait forever for a supernatural sign.

You may simply need to make the wisest decision you can and trust God with it.

Proverbs 3:5–6 says:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

God's Will Isn't a Tightrope

For years, I think many Christians have lived with the fear that God's will is like a narrow tightrope.

One wrong decision and we've ruined everything.

We chose the wrong job.

Moved to the wrong town.

Missed the opportunity.

Waited too long.

Acted too quickly.

And now somehow God's entire plan has been destroyed.

But that gives us far more power than we actually have—and God far less.

God is not standing at the end of our lives shaking His head because we made an imperfect decision twenty years ago.

He knows us.

He knows our weaknesses.

He knows when we're sincerely trying to follow Him.

He knows the mistakes we're going to make before we make them.

And He is remarkably capable of redirecting us.

A wrong turn doesn't put us beyond God's reach.

Sometimes He closes a door.

Sometimes He opens another.

Sometimes He lets us learn.

Sometimes He redirects us gently.

And sometimes He uses a road we never would have chosen to bring us somewhere we never expected.

What About the Desires of Our Hearts?

Psalm 37:4 says:

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

This verse can easily be misunderstood as, Love God and He'll give you whatever you want.

But something deeper happens when we delight in God.

Our desires begin changing.

The closer we grow to Him, the more His priorities begin shaping ours.

It doesn't mean we stop wanting ordinary things.

We can want a home.

A family.

Meaningful work.

Financial stability.

Creative success.

Friendship.

Love.

Adventure.

Rest.

There is nothing automatically wrong with wanting good things.

Sometimes a desire keeps returning because it matters.

Maybe God placed gifts, interests, compassion, creativity, or dreams within you that are pointing toward something.

The question isn't always:

Is this God's desire or mine?

Sometimes the answer may be:

Both.

Give God Permission to Redirect You

One of the healthiest prayers we can pray when facing a decision is something like this:

Lord, this is what I want.

You already know that.

If this desire is leading me somewhere good, give me wisdom and courage to move forward.

If I'm trying to force something that isn't right, help me recognize it.

If I need to wait, give me patience.

If I need to move, give me courage.

And if I get it wrong, redirect me.

 Everything isn't resting on our ability to perfectly decode God's plan.

It's resting on our relationship with Him.

One thing is certain...we are always held by Him. 

Is there something you've been asking God about lately?

Instead of asking only, “Lord, is this Your will?” try asking:

“Lord, if Your answer is different from mine, am I willing to follow You anyway?”

XO, Marie