Creating Through Anxiety, Faith, and the Work No One Sees

Anxiety is a difficult thing to explain to someone who has never truly experienced it.

It isn't simply being worried about something. It isn't always something you can reason your way out of or fix by telling yourself that everything is fine. Sometimes your mind knows perfectly well that you are safe, capable, and okay, while your body seems determined to convince you otherwise.

Those who have lived with anxiety understand the battles that can happen quietly and, many times, completely unnoticed by everyone around you.

Sometimes the victory is simply doing the thing anyway.

Getting up. Showing up. Creating. Making the phone call. Doing what you need to do. Sitting down at the computer and tackling the next task when your mind would much rather have you retreat somewhere safe and quiet.

Some days are easier than others.

I've learned over the years that I don't necessarily have to wait until I feel fearless to move forward. I can be afraid and still take another step.

But my faith has made all the difference.

The Work Behind a Small Creative Business

I love being an artist. I love creating little characters and scenes, drawing and painting, telling stories through my artwork, and making things that I hope bring a little warmth and goodness into someone's home or day.

I also love writing and sharing my faith through this blog.

But being a working artist and running a small business involves much more than sitting down with a pencil, paintbrush, or iPad and creating something pretty.

At this point in my business, I am the artist, but I'm also the photographer, product developer, website designer, writer, marketer, social media manager, customer service department, packer, shipper, bookkeeper, and whatever else needs to be done that particular day.

When a new piece of artwork is finished, the work isn't finished.

There are products to create, photographs and mockups to prepare, descriptions to write, prices to consider, listings to build, websites to update, social media posts to make, videos to create, comments and messages to answer, and marketing to do.

There are websites that have to be built and maintained. There are new ideas that need developing and older things that occasionally need updating. There are blog posts to write for my faith-based work, and there always seems to be another behind-the-scenes task waiting somewhere.

And then, of course, there is the actual creating.

Without that, there is no business.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am doing the work of several different people while still being only one person.

Right now, I haven't reached the point where I can hire someone to take some of those responsibilities off my plate. I certainly hope that day comes soon. I wouldn't mind handing over a few hats from this rather large collection I've accumulated.

But for now, I do it myself.

And when you add anxiety into the mix, there are days when all those little responsibilities can suddenly feel very big.

What Your Support Really Means

This is also why I don't think people always realize how much their support means to an independent artist or small business owner.

Of course, every purchase matters. When someone spends their hard-earned money on something I've created, I never take that lightly. You are helping me continue doing the work I believe I was created to do.

But support doesn't always have to involve spending money.

When you share one of my drawings, you help someone new discover my work. When you like or comment on a post, you help that post reach a little farther.

When you share my website, read one of my blog posts, subscribe, watch one of my videos, tell a friend about my artwork, or simply take a moment to encourage me, you aren't just supporting a little business.

You are supporting a real person behind it.

Those things may seem very small from the other side of the screen, but they aren't small to me.

Every one of them tells me that something I created reached another person.

And I am incredibly thankful for that. (Okay Marie, wipe the tears so you can finish writing).

God Has Been in Every Part of It

As much as I love what I do, I know I couldn't do any of this on my own.

There have been times when I've felt overwhelmed. There have been times when I've questioned myself, worried about the future, wondered how everything would come together, or looked at the long list of things needing to be done and wondered where in the world I should even begin.

But God has continued to meet me there.

Again and again, He reminds me that I don't need to see the entire road ahead of me. I only need enough faith to take the next step.

My faith doesn't mean that I never experience anxiety. It means that anxiety doesn't get the final word.

I can bring the fear, the uncertainty, the business, the finances, the creativity, the decisions, and all those things I can't control to God. I can pray over my work and ask Him to lead me in what I should do next.

Sometimes that means moving forward.

Sometimes it means changing direction.

Sometimes it means taking a day to let go of the pressure, relax, and simply breathe.

And sometimes it means realizing that I am trying to carry something He never asked me to carry alone.

There is tremendous comfort in knowing that my business does not have to rest entirely on my shoulders.

I can work hard. I can learn. I can create. I can market my work, maintain my websites, write my posts, package orders, make plans, and do everything within my ability.

And then I can trust God with what I cannot do.

Created to Create

I believe with all my heart that God created us with gifts for a reason.

For me, one of those gifts has always been creativity.

I have always loved stories, art, animals, landscapes, beautiful little details, and the ability to make something where nothing existed before. Creating has been woven through so many seasons of my life that I can't separate it from who I am.

Don't get me wrong. I've played the comparison game plenty of times. I've looked at someone else's work and wondered whether I was really good enough. I've wondered whether someone else was more talented, more successful, more productive, or simply better at all of this than I am.

But then I have to remind myself of something important:

I am not them.

I am me.

God didn't ask me to create someone else's work or walk someone else's road. My work has worth because it comes from the gifts, experiences, heart, and perspective He gave specifically to me.

And I don't believe that's an accident.

God is the Creator, and I believe the desire He placed in me to create is something I am meant to use, nurture, and share.

That doesn't mean every piece will sell.

It doesn't mean every post will be seen.

It doesn't mean every idea will work or that running a creative business will suddenly become easy.

It means I keep going because I believe there is purpose in the work.

Everything I create is ultimately because of Him, and I want the way I use these gifts to honor Him.

One Step at a Time

I don't know exactly what the future holds for my art or this little corner of the world I've been building.

I hope the business continues to grow. I hope there comes a day when I can hire someone to help with some of the work behind the scenes. I hope more of my artwork finds its way into homes, and I hope the words I share through my faith-based writing reach the people who need them.

But I don't have to know exactly how all of that will happen today.

Today, I can create.

I can pray.

I can work.

I can be thankful.

And when anxiety tells me that everything is too much, I can remind myself that I don't have to carry everything by myself.

God has brought me this far, and I trust Him. I believe He placed this desire in my heart and these ideas in my mind for a reason.

So, to every person who has purchased my artwork, shared a post, liked a drawing, left an encouraging comment, read something I've written, watched a video, visited my website, told someone else about my work, prayed for me, or simply quietly followed along—thank you.

You are helping more than you probably realize.

I am deeply grateful for every bit of support, but most of all, I am grateful to God for giving me the ability and desire to create, for continuing to lead me when I don't know the next step, and for giving me hope when anxiety tries to convince me otherwise.

I will keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I will keep creating.

And I will keep trusting the One who gave me the desire to create in the first place.

What I won't do is let the enemy steal my dreams.

Why Not Just Do Less?

Someone reading this who knows me might be thinking, Marie, you have an awful lot on your plate.

And you would be right.

You probably don't even know the half of it because, outside of my business, I also help take care of things for my elderly father and have all the ordinary responsibilities of life that don't disappear simply because you're trying to build something.

You might also be thinking that if I put all of my focus on art and stopped writing this blog or sharing Lemongrass Spa, I could take a few things off my plate.

You would be right about that, too.

I don't have to keep up with this blog. It isn't necessarily an income-producing part of my work unless someone happens to make a purchase through one of my affiliate links.

I don't have to share Lemongrass Spa either.

But not everything I do is solely about what produces the most income.

Life isn't all about me.

It's about helping others. It's about spreading goodness. It's about sharing the things I believe God places on my heart. It's about loving people well and using what I've learned along the way to hopefully make someone else's life a little better.

Yes, the things I do bring me joy—my art, my writing, this blog, and sharing products I believe in. But I also believe they are things God has placed on my heart to do.

So I keep going.

I keep praying.

I keep believing.

And I keep being thankful that I have the ability to do them.

The Reality of Choosing This Life

There are practical realities to this life, too.

Being self-employed isn't always easy or reliable. There is no employer-funded pension waiting for me. There is no company healthcare plan, 401(k) match, paid education, overtime, paid vacation, holiday pay, or guaranteed paycheck arriving every other Friday.

The tools I need to do my job don't magically appear on my desk either. Art supplies, equipment, software, websites, packaging, marketing, printing, and everything else required to keep a small creative business going has to be paid for first.

That is another reason every purchase matters so much.

Yet even knowing all of that, here I am—thankful.

Thankful that I get to create.

Thankful that I get to build something of my own.

Thankful that I get to use my work to glorify God.

And I hope when you receive something I've created, you can see a little bit of that in it.

Anxiety Has Changed My Road

This may not be my typical blog post, but maybe that's exactly why I needed to write it.

Whatever you do—whether you're a creator, an entrepreneur, someone who goes to a 9-to-5 job every day, or a homemaker, which, let's be honest, is plenty of work on its own—I believe there is value in putting God first and finding reasons to be thankful in the place where you are.

I've been on different sides of that life myself.

Each has value. Each has challenges. Each has purpose.

But anxiety has changed what life and work look like for me.

There are environments and situations that are simply much more difficult for me now. A traditional public-facing job isn't a good fit for me anymore. And I know that is God who keeps saying "Not that, but this is what I want you doing. I will guide you." 

But perhaps one of the greatest lessons God has been teaching me is that my life doesn't have to look like someone else's life in order to have value.

There will always be outside voices.

There will always be someone who thinks you should take the safer road, the more traditional road, or the road that makes the most sense on paper.

I have heard those voices too.

Just get a regular job.

Why are you trying to do so many things?

Wouldn't it be easier if you just...

Maybe it would.

But easier isn't always the same thing as right.

I keep coming back to the same conviction: God kept this desire to create in my heart for a reason. He continues to give me ideas for a reason. And I believe part of honoring Him is having the courage to use what He gave me rather than allowing fear—or the expectations of other people—to decide whats right for my life over Gods plans. 

So I press on.

Again, not because I'm never anxious.

Not because I'm certain everything will work exactly the way I hope.

And certainly not because it's easy.

I press on because I have faith.

I press on because I have hope.

I press on because I am grateful.

And I press on because I believe the God who gave me these gifts can be trusted with what happens when I faithfully use them.

Maybe there is something He has been quietly placing on your heart, too.

Have you been listening to those whispers?

Until next time, keep creating, keep believing, keep noticing the beauty in the ordinary, and keep trusting God with the road ahead.

With love,

Marie